I have been exhausted since the show and felt like an emotional wreck from all the late nights I stayed up preparing. My sweet husband noticed today that I needed a break (after I freaked out when my youngest took 5 crayons and was drawing rainbows on my cream ottoman). He kindly sent me away to one of my favorite places. It's about an hour away from home in the middle of no where. No music, no noise, no nothing. Just me and God re-grouping and refreshing. I know the idea of this isn't always practical, but I have been needing this for some time. My head is filled with so many noises and to-do's that I often forget the point of why I am doing what I am doing.
On the way here I was talking to a friend about how I have been lashing out at my kids. My mood reminds me of when the Dr. hits your knee and the reflex sends it shooting up uncontrollably. My kids make a mistake, I freak out. I am not always like this but when I have a lot going on, I realize they are the ones who feel it. On the drive by myself I was pounding myself about how bad of a mother I have been lately. I would hear the whispers of grace but I chose to ignore them. Instead of resting in grace, I wrestled with the thoughts of failure. At the end of the conversation my friend's words were simple. "Repent, worship God, and move on." I am a dweller, so the idea of moving on almost seems wrong to me.
Needless to say I tried it and it worked. As I drove closer to my destination I was reminded of a verse God gave me right before I got married, "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, SLOW to anger and RICH in love." The last part rang in my ears and He again spoke clearly to me that the key to loving my husband and children was to be "slow to anger and rich in love."
Knee-jerk reactions are ugly. Grace is beautiful. Don't dwell in the mud of your mind but choose to rest in the hands of grace. May we all move forward today and may grace go before all of us!